Saturday, August 30, 2008
its been a while. i used to be the one tellin ppl that life is unfair. but dun worry.i always feel that somehow i can fix the world.that i can be there for ppl. that i will understand and have a er hmm "wisdom" that well works.
its weird how i m on that receiving end. these days
sigh actually i can feel it too. i am sorry that i ve been so moody. i just have no heart whatsoever really. sorry cg 28 sorry AH sorry family. sorry sorry sorry. i wonder what the first apology ever made in human civilisation was for. heh.
so yah back to life is unfair. how there are good ppl and bad ppl. how they are ppl who always look good anw. how ..yah la lots of ppl in this world. those who rather play safe, those who take risks, those who are rash those who never like to make decisions those whoa r always fightin to make decisions blah blah. ppl make this world a constant push and pull field. say what u dun mean do what u dun say. but at one point in time, everyone makes a decision. an imapctful one. altho we can debate once agn on how impactful our lives are ever going to be.
life can be slowpaced on outside but ur head can be racing like mad. life can be zooming by but ur brain can be in stasis. at this point of time i dunno which is the case for me. to be honest, life is really a bit slow paced for my liking. no one seems to be rushing in AH. the big hosps, no matter how crazy to rush, u always have werk to do. here, there is just no one rushing. the nurses have time to watch us do embarassing PEs. makes me self conscious really. (erm becos i m not good at all, not for other reasons) but of cos this isnt the case. the truth is the world is rushing. eceryone is always tryi to catch that bus, that train.
i really dun think i will make it.
i dun think i will graduate anymore.
not becos its tough. i mean it is tough.
but becos. just becos somewhere in me doesnt want to go on like this.
i know that we are bound to be disillusioned at one point or another and everytime it happens it feels like this time would take the cake.
but anyhow so far i m trying to recall a time in life when i havent felt disillusioned.
isnt anyone trying to find me?
wun somebody come take me home?
its a damn cold night
i m trying to figure out this life.
so take me by the hand
take me somewhere near
i dunno who you are
but I .
.
.
.
.
.
I am with you.
i am still in so many yahoo groups. the NUS biathlon one now has so many emails from ppl i know. i mean not surprising, my batch mates have entered uni and i have been in that cca. that kind.
i just dun remember who i am sometimes.
but every life, every nuance have been in somekind of song.
so this is what i thk.
i thk the ipod or music on the go is one of the best invention. block the world out. thats how i wanna live sometimes. thats how i wanna leave. if every step we take has rhythm beat tune, most imptly lyrics, life would be a lot easier to live. and in actual fact there is. there always is a beat in life.
its just that when the music stops. we panic
you can take as many pictures with ur brain with ur memory. but once in a while , just one in a while a picture says a thousand words only when tangible.
so here you go 137 photographs plus one.
I failed. 3:18 AM
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Monday, August 18, 2008
its monday.
i feel restless and bored.
my mind is spinning at a rate i dont like.
so i tuck it underwater.
i am an addict
i went back to hall on sunday for jcrc meeting and later stayed over at thammy's.
F5 is so guai now. no smokers. jing ze the health freak stays there. hmm he said he finally knows what im talkin about..hall life uni all this time, was so beyond his understanding when we hang out. he says he wants to join pageant cos its 8 points easily he thinks. haha! so spontaneous?
the oni other such personi know is mosses?
anw, anyhow i made a decision. but i ll leave the rest up to fate? or whatever u call it.
so i stayed up to talk with him till late, until irene came back from wushu comp with a bday cake. argh. i asked how come got cake..so paiseh.so stupid.
but nvm haha i ate the most cake.
then this mornin i sent her off. her cg mate cannot wake up even until 6pm? argh
i went swimming after that
my lap top crashed.
my goggles broke
and i dropped my handphone like 5 times. once from A1 bus cos of the crowd, then another time in my bed room, from my bed..aregh..i really hope it doesnt spoil. so i m desperately tryin to ..argh.. ihope it doesnt spoil.
yah my goggles break.damn loser so i went askin ard the office and lifeguards if they have an extra pair of goggles, my eyes prone to infx sia.
but no one lent me..and then it rained so heavily. so there was thisguy who was gonnabathe, i asked him for his googles... quite nice guy la..bathe damn long, had t ime for me to do 15 laps..
sigh later i did some laaps without goggles and yah some underwater medidation.
its the best wait to see whats on ur mind i think holding ur breath going under.
n i saw alot.
the then the present a hints of the future.
i decided not to save my lap top's data. sigh its ok. i ll get a new hard disk.
perhaps its a sign.to put the past behind. n start afresh. and to look forward n believe
believe.
well at least irene is back home celebrating her bday :)
everything sounds nicer in jap.
I failed. 4:26 AM
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Saturday, August 16, 2008
this below is the perfect perfect song! nothing sums up better. i ve been listening to it on loop. and when i turn on jocelyn's blog its like her blog's song. but damn copycat leh.
If I don't say this now
I will surely break
As I'm leaving
the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency
but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to
separate
Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
You are so beautiful to me (repeat)
but its not copycat. maybe its called signs.
sometimes there is a reason why we have to share the same microscope.
there is a reason why we like the same songs. have the same camera type
to quote nobuta wo produce which is the jap serial i m watching now
this haunted house we are in.. in life there are many moments we hold the hands of those we love or care for
these moments are beautiful, dark, subtle, when they happen they happen
to have someone's hands to hold is always a miracle.
so when u walk into the light, when u return to daily life, dun forget that miracle. dun let go of that hand.
hmm
life is abt decisions. life last nine seconds and everything becomes the past. the now lasts nine seconds on average. and then it becomes memory.
yeah we oni live for nine seconds. and in that nine seconds we have to make a decision. for other nine seconds.
and then once we are n it. we are in it. decisions are forever.
time is almost up
I failed. 11:06 AM
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Friday, August 15, 2008
i havent been so erm musically active in a while haha. i think this song is damn funny. always tickles
departed ttsh. if i learned one thing, i guess its to live life with lesser expectations maybe.
sigh the harder u tighten ur grip i guess oni more things will slip out of ur reach.
i m having trouble making a decision. argh. but nvm there is still time, have until monday.
i m starting to believe in the butterfly effect.
once upon a time i told myself, i would find time to learn the lyrics of all the songs i like. haha so unrealistic once upon a time i cannot imagine not burning calories in more than 3 days, but now i m just lazy. igh so i m showing tails of signs of a type b personality afterall.
i almost believe in fate now that many things are beyond ur ctrl. nice tutprs? nice examiners? whther u pass or fail? there is oni so much that you can ctrl. sometimes u can be so kiasu. go clerk and read the file of two wars of patients b4 ur test.. but in the end u still piss the examiner off. cos u assumed sth. yeah jaundice and pancreatic tail cancer dun go.
perhaps if life wanted u to do well, it would. perhaps the gods show favouritism, on some they show more some they shun. perhaps somtimes they find someone new they forget their old favourites. or they take a break on even their favourties. or sometimes they are fighting for the same favourite and things just backfires.
but cheers. 48 yr quest for a medal and here we are.:) i feel so high now.
even tho well technically yeah.
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma I fell in love again
It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend
And I know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And I'm afraid I might give in
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'
I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is
We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun
(ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
It's been awhile since we talked last and
I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son
And I know you heard the last song about
the girls that didn't last long
But I promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)
I love it when she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then I don't know
what love is (ba ba da da)
It's gonna be a long drive home but I
know as soon as I arrive home
And I open the door take off my coat
and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back into my arms once more for sure
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man I swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And I would still cherish every moment
And when I start to build my future
she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love
or whatever you call it but
Everywhere I go I keep her picture
in my wallet like here
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
I failed. 10:03 PM
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Thursday, August 14, 2008
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.
faith. belief. believe
nick and his best
nick has no more moves. never had
nick can only hope. for the best
nick wants you, wants the world to know
that maybe if they look hard enough, he is not a bad person.
nick's chess pieces are on a shrouded field.
nick cant seem to give you high yield
nick is sorry to be nick
if step by step.
nth worth treasuring ever came easily.
I failed. 9:37 AM
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Tuesday, August 12, 2008
haha i keep rolling on my bed. dun really wanna do anything.
last night felt like a dream. :)
i cant believed i watched death cab with <3
i m double checking to see if i m dreaming. double tripple checking.
its the best post exam ever in my life.
haha so eopt
my tester had me waiting 2 hrs plus for him after clerking two patients.
the patient with the mastect didnt let me PE her. she seemed somwhat.. anw my tester said he be surprised if she let me anyway.
curious? annoyed? she asked..so u so young.. how com can ask me this kinda questions. i mean the breast history is the breast history .there is a lot to ask. u are oni 21.. u know u are going to specialise n breast alr? how come u can ask me all these.. what is ur name? how come u no need do army. have u done army? 21 not in ns? argh and later she said to my tester..u mean all these doctors to be have to learn from us? what if i was not ard..what if i didnt fall sick.. then they have no one to learn from ah?
omg. i found myself smiling like an airstewardess. thruout. no mdm.. we are not specialisn or anythign of that sort. we are just rotating thru differnt postings we need to see everything and take many exams b4 we even get to specialisation. i m in my general surg posting now so many times it involves cancer and so on. i have to ask breast history related questions now. i m sorry. she said..oh so u all know eveyrthing ah.. must klearn everything.. i know alotof doctors who dunno alot of things..
oh i see.. ha well..yeah for now we try to learn as much as we can. smile nick smile.
and then she said how come u oni interested in breast hostory..what if i have other illness.. u not interested..
i said..eh i will get to them, i have a few more questions..
she said..u sure not.. or are u just askin becos i say so..
haha so interesting.
i kapra a lot with the axilla examination tho. a bit psychomotor
i idnt get to impress my examiner at all. he was super nice but yah
i took a gd history fromt he other abdo patient he gaveme.. but he said.. the patient cannot really gie a proper history so i wun blame you.
argh
i spent so much time sorting his history..compartmentalisin it.. and thinkin abt dx treatment invx..and he said..nvm.
i even did a Pr..and he didnt ask me my findings..
bleagh.
but its ok :)
i took a lot of photos with my mind :) i m so happy :)))
I failed. 9:58 PM
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Love of mine
some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light
or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on your vacancy signs
If there's no one beside siew
When her soul embarks
Then I'll follow her into the dark
In Catholic school
as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied
by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me son
fear is the heart of love
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me
have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
I failed. 8:43 PM
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haha spot the pops! i did it.
eopt. bleagh haha eopt lor.
the thinking is gonna sink in.
no more bright lights. but for a while.
if you can be happy
no more worries, no more tears just live.
i give my life to that. medicine. maybe only.
crooked teeth :)
It was one hundred degrees as we sat beneath a willow tree
Whose tears didn`t care they just hung in the air
And refused to fall (to fall)
I knew I`d made a horrible call
When now the state line felt like the Berlin Wall
And there was no doubt about which side I was on (mm hmm)
Cause I built you a hole in my heart
With rotten wood it decayed from the start
Cause you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
No you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
I braved the treacherous streets
And kids strung out on homemade speed
And we shared a bed on which I could not sleep at all (woo hoo woo hooo)
Cause at night the sun in the tree
Made the skyline look like crooked teeth in the mouth of the man
Who was devouring us both
You`re so cute when you`re slurring your speech
They`re closing the bar and they want us to leave
And you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
No you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
I`m a war of head versus heart
It`s always this way
My head is weak my heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say
And you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
No you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
(No you can`t find) No you can`t find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
There were churches we want to fall
There was nothing there all along
I failed. 10:05 AM
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Saturday, August 9, 2008
i like this song.
empty or half full.
If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson
If I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.
I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
If you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said
That I live like a hermit in my own head
But when the sun shines again
I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown [4x]
Your love is gonna drown [4x]
Your love is gonna...
i am up. canceled one tuition to study for eopt. but look what i m doing. fbking. and blogging. i need to be more disciplined. less type b. hais
but screw it. today.
rmb i used to think that if u re studying two days b4 the exams, there is no point studying already. haha total bollocks. these days one hr b4 the exam is golden.
sigh i m looking thru photos albums after photo albums.
i just want the sand sea and beach at my toes now.
orientation photos look fun. i guess they are. i see too many of my batch mates. some are in pageants, and what not. rag and float etc. haha some the last time i rmb them they were this scrawny/ fat / short other person and now they are all lean mean machines.
yeah it is jaw dropping shocking and unreal. oh no too much of mr . chew. haha but i do feel old. and seasoned. except for the fact that i m barely there yet. i mean whats this? first eopt? how many more yrs to mbbs.. mrcs(hopefully) sigh
i give my life in my quest to become a general surgeon. that no matter how disillusionise i will become i wil rmb that tis is what i want above anything else. right. right right. bullshit.
i think medicine is the last thing left for me. the last door.
i think abt everything.
in vs, how i screwed up.
in vj, ok there was nth much in vj. i was alr a screwed up. and then in army
and then with hall, they prob hate me. i m prob in the hall of defamation.
and then i think abt all the simple things and how come i m always ending up with the shorter end of the straw. how come everything i do in life has a price and i have to give up sth. some ppl really hve it smooth or at least i think. some ppl dun think abt losses. so they dun care, seemingly.
hmm. hui says that a person with my level of conscience is mad. she said its becos i choose to reason and think everything so deeply thru and thru. i force myself to analyse.
but less and less so. i just wanna sleep. i always oni analyse after everything happens and then it becomes too late. send in the rescue squad to save whatever love is left. and then i will be at least missed. yeah i m always missed. its always the then. never the now.
ur live is gonna drown.
joyce wrote on my wall.. heys us leos rocks. haha yeah right. i give anything to be who i m not.
i really have the immense ability to mess everything up. it always look like its not my fault. it always look like its cos of circumstances, bad luck or whatever. but if this kinda things keep happening to u, shouldnt u think.. yeah perhaps perhaps perhaps.
hais i can oni hope one day everything i have done is worth it. i have made too many painful choices even b4 i reached 21 i think. hais.
i m hungry. my psch tcha told me that if i left my psch she would be very sad. and she would miss me. even tho she punished me to do penmenship. everyday. it was why i stayed in my p sch. i didnt want to be missed. she said i always think so much. so deep. she worried for me. when i did maths i will have like a million and one questions to ask her after sch. cos i wanted to know everything and so many times i ended up with the "u dun have to know that yet' answer. as well as science.. she said i was a really deep thinkier, she told my mum. haha so funny.
oh but of cos chinese was a differnt story. it was like forcing a cow to eat beef. oops.
but anw i thought first class was pretty funny.
"CCA is for life! You dun get to quit a CCA, the CCa quits you!" lol
sigh yeah the cca quits you.
swimmin singing students council runnin. they all quit me. maybe.
snippets from my bday party. i wonder what i was doing admiss ALL this. my mum asked me if i really enjoyed my party, if i was happy so many ppl came. sigh. yeah of cos. i was happy. enjoy the ironies.
snippets. my sec sch frens would have arrived earlier if hy's car did not break down haha.
my tuition fam, my neighbour fam, and my fam were sitting tgt.
so this is as retarded as it gets,
my tuition kid's mum said, " sid, why dun you go up and join the rest"
sid, " oh aiya all the old ppl upstairs, dunno what they doing also"
my mum, "huh then u sit here with us, ur parents and all, arent we way older."
my bro was busy playin ps with the really young boy and somehow tryin to hold conversation with my tuition kids dad. ACT mature.
my dad was so busy tryin to talk to ppl eating at the table. and he forgotten to eat anything. had to drive out later for dinenr when there was so much food at my party. my dad is just .. and everyone was busy eating. and he kept grumbling. actuali he damn two faced but aiya. i dun care. he behaves damn differently in front of differnt ppl.
sigh its disgusting and pathetic.i mena you know me. i dun give up on ppl and i m always tryin my best to see the better side. so if i ve turned so jaded and resigned abt someone, it has to mean something.
ok my neighbour husband and wife went out of the bungalow. damn loving, holding hands, strolling outside. my mum went out to call them in to cut cake. the husband said, ni lai zhe li zhuo dian deng pao? why u come out and be light bulb ah?
sheesh.
weird ppl are happy hands down. nth gets in their way. if u become too considerate, sometimes. sometimes.
think mr. thyrotoxicosis.
I failed. 7:13 PM
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Friday, August 8, 2008
worth waiting for. worth dying for.
i asked an mo before mrcs whether he would choose to do anything else or heis the type who must get his choice specialty. cos even after passing ur mrcs..its still along way b4 u become a reg. or say u really wanna do sth.he said yeah u have to decide whether something is worth waiting for. worth dying for.
chew says once u are committed to sth. its ur life. there is just one track.
and leave out all the rest. linkin park.
he says u need a few things. of cos u need ability. u need to get by day by day with no screw ups. u need a mountain someone who believes u are worth grooming. that u ere good. one screw up and u are a clown for life. he said he is lucky. to be a reg so young. he doest write half as many papers as many others. and even tho his whole fam doctors..dad is like best fren with some of the greatest, it is merit that he is where he is today. a mountain cannot get u so far. he said many doctor's children are not specialists. and many doctors dun specialise by choice not because they cant. he is ever so humble keep sayin he is oni very average. he said once u specialise gs. ur days get matted over. a wed and a fri have no differnce.. weekends weekdays they are the same. ur pay will never be high.. compared to all ur frens out there. national day everything everyday is the same. some pl decide that medicine is what they want to do from 8 to 5. werk thats all. there is still life out there. . and tv. tv is the oni solution. haha
so must stay committed. and leave out all the rest and all the negativity. and rmb who u are doin this for and why u were inspired to be here in the first place.
so the mo passed the mrcs. and now he will wait. he is a great man.
i wish one day i can be half of what any of these ppl are.
everyone is respectable. as long as they have sth to struggle. and life is always a struggle. yup
anyway on a lighter note i had a damn cukoo dream la. wah lau.
my dreams are always tryin to tell me sth. i dreamt there was a vs choir boy reunion and i actuali went. like thats just so weird alr.
but anw we went to this ulu corner warehouse then otuside like some industrial park. got one canteen, shady place.
a lotof cartons of packaged drinks.. all semi opened unwrapped la..the packaging. but yah they were placed on the coffee counter. the sales ppl was a malay family who didnt seem to understand me. so i asked abt one of the soft drinks. i think it was some choc milk. auntie how much. then she grabbed on the drink package and shook her head.. and said no no.. this one no price.
so i didnt get what no price meant. i said erm.. no i want to buy.. how much?i took out money to show her.
and her husband from behind the counter said.. u want pay 20 dollars? then i laughed..i mean he was jokin right.. so i said..oh ok..20 ah.. then their son or sth came to me and say..we not sellin now. he was all sweaty like he has been carryin alotof stuff..
and so i pointed to another drink also still in the carton.. and said this one how much.. then the woman still shook her head and say no.. no sell.
and so the dream was so real when suddenly the woman said its like histology boy. no fixed yet. these ones no fix. just review slides.
and then i woke up and i understood the dream. she was trying to tell me. they havent unpacked the drinks. no price tag yet. or they are going to export to differnt places to sell or the goods just arrived. these are new stock with no price yet. why was i so stubborn insisting on getting the drink...
and how come i understood what was going on oni after she said..all these like histo. just review slides. no fixation.
i m weird. all my dreams are as usual always tryin to tell me sth.
yeah the msg is always check histo.
I failed. 9:49 PM
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Wednesday, August 6, 2008
When the wind picked up
and the fire spread
and the grapevines seemed left for dead.
And the northern sky, like the end of day,
the end of days.
A wake up call to a rancid room
Sounded like an alarm of impending doom.
To warn us it’s only a matter of time.
Before we all burn
before we all burn
before we all burn
before we all burn.
I brought some wine and some papercups
near your daughter’s school when we picked her up
and drove to the cemetary on a hill
on a hill.
And we watched the plumes make the sky gray
and she laughed and dance through the field of grays
there i knew it would be alright
that everything would be alright,
would be alright
would be alright
would be alright.
and the news reports on the radio
said it was getting worse
cause the ocean air found the flame.
but i couldn’t think there was anywhere i would have rather been
to watch it all burn away.
to burn away.
the firemen worked in double shifts,
with prayers of rain on their lips
and they knew it was only a matter of time.
I failed. 7:13 PM
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ha i cant believed what i just spent the last hour or so reading. man
sigh
I failed. 5:39 AM
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Monday, August 4, 2008
180 deg turn.
30 dollar trick.
sigh i m in a need for speed. ok actuali i m done with my writeup except for well the conclusion and proof reading. hmm conclusion. i thought i would be good at this but tonight i m not opinionated. somehow.
i watched chwenty video like maybe twenty times. haha ok that's an exagerration.
well it is the face of the person i adore.
i was reading thru all my bday cards.
and i wonder what i will write on the one i will write closer to chwenty one jan.
so the message will be sth like.
hey !
have faith in urself. believe in urself. becos i believe in the adult you are, you will be and you have become.
dun say you will never this and that. dun be afraid of failure. because i believe in the person that you are. that you care. you always care. and that ur heart is pure. and u are scared becos you care.
and i will always..
all the shelf life .
ok msg might change by then but thats the gist.
chwenty.
I failed. 7:41 AM
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Friday, August 1, 2008
i just want to be your hero. now
to be there should you cry.
to be there should you feel vexed
to be there.
i just want to be the a person you respect again
it is going to take a miracle and a lot of time.
i dun care alr. i m going to stop the hurting.
i want you to be strong stand up and fight. it pains my heart to know you are sick and tired. and want an mc from life.
i guess everything has taken a toil. i can only be sorry. finally. and maybe a bit too late
i want to save you. i care for you. i have no more words. but one last prayer. i ll always love you. silently. and from far. always. if thats all.
so get better. i will not do anything you dun want me to anymore.
this i promise you. i miss you so damn much. every living breath i have. siew.
I failed. 7:05 AM
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