Wednesday, February 6, 2008
if only. we were single celled.
if only life was less harsh sometimes.
i live in trepidation. afraid of saying or doing the next wrong thing.
and when the restraints add up. it make sense.
life.
i dun understand
life
really can be so pointless
and vague with happiness so fake.
ask me how i m. out of formality or genuine concern
i dun think it makes a difference.
becos i still wouldnt know how to answer you.
if i said i want to die. its not becos i m depressed. its not becos i m suicidal. but its becos i m happy. and maybe somewhere out there i yearn for more.. or to maintain this happiness. i'd like to look forward to.
maybe i m not strong.
some nights u win everything. some nights u cant keep score
but as time pass u know its the same.
if life is a collection of memories, i'd like to stop.
so why do we live? when i cant say i know what i m doing for sure.
"the dreams in which i m dying are the best i ever had"
no i wun snap out.
stethoscope sits on the bed. neurotext opened to page 129. it feels gd. feels like a winner. a bold statement. an inspiring foray. "look right thru me" if i m not where i wanna be i dunno where else i wanna be.
i think its people. i m afraid of loving. as much as i want to.
maybe there is nth to all these. chemical messengers. sotospeak.
where they are ppl, where there is festive, where u cant be alone, where there are expectations, where u have to read more than ur own mind, where u re in a room of ppl u love or should love. where it is another festive season.
thats where i dun want to be. if i have to put up with bullcrap or live a lonely hermit, i'd choose the lesser evil.
beautifully pissed beautifully delicate beautiful shambles. n i want to be ur asou kun.
I failed. 9:00 AM
0 Comments