Thursday, September 13, 2007
emo is bad. it could well be a sign of immaturity. maybe there are highs in life we never appreciate enough. maybe if we were sensible we will be more purposeful than mop all the time. maybe we are just not purposeful.
jcrc member. my key transponder.yes the one stephen took apart.. durin dinner n ow clicks open the jcrc room. officially handed to tonight. so thsi is the start of ltos to come. i shuld be takin my new tasks with enthusiasm really. but i dunno its just.. alot has happened.. all the politics.. and stickiness.. and yes a lot more stickiness is reqd.
climbing windows is fun for the record. and for the record i m not doing the understanding suicide lect tml.
coping? i m not too sure if i m coping all well..or as well as i would liek to. how does one define coping? i thk the best defn lies in whether u re happy with where u are at at the present moment. that is the best gauge for coping. i mean everyone wants to tread and float water to a diff extent. some ppl are happy when they sit next to their other half in lect everyday. some ppl are coping when the jeans they wear are significantly bigger some ppl are coping when they out read the lectures. but staring is not coping thats for sure. staring and not being able to do ath sucks. not knowing wad to say. when u have the blueprints at the back of ur m ind btu no will or know how as to its execution. or when u re staring at papers that oni stare back at u. when u thk the tasks at hand are draggin u down wasting ur time. u realise that even if granted.. u dun cherish time.
Cg.. is the new daydream. once in a while i try to take a peek into the future. i try to imagine who i might be doin cg with. yeah of course i have ppl or someone in mind.. but then agn maybe doin alone is not all bad. no need to see ppl's face color. i m so ironic. but somehow i m dreadin human-human interactions. i wanna say tho. that i dunnoif i ll make it this yr. wad if i don;t.
but lookin at her. i know. its not gonna happen. ami treated me today..and yeah it was a fun day..walked ard vivo.. i realise i really dun do ath of this sort when sch starts.. as much as i dreaded shoppina dn stuff durin hols.. but yeah its enough. i m really blessed. ha my councilee rocks
family? is sth i really want. to be with and have next to me. but i m afraid. i m scared ok. daremoshiranai.
ur parents must be proud- so i was entertaining the hall Rfs and masters and all.. at FHD today.. was seated next to this jap prof.. and i spoke jap all night.. and yeah i was charming the old ppl...doin my thing. sometimes i think being me is an ideal i be happy to live up to. i m not being narcissist. but when i say its hard to be me its not an irony. and the profs were like..wow young gd lookin..sportman fluent in so many lang.. i they were speakin canto as well.. med students.. ur parents must sleep really well at night and be really proud of u.. what do they werk as? must be ...
nope. they arent. i dunno i m just not good enough. i m not nick. really
so frens
if u can do it, i prob can too. or better.
I failed. 11:08 AM
0 Comments
Saturday, September 8, 2007
hahaha
nus mass swim!
i got a walkie talkie for 8th prize..actuali im supposed to get hte water proofin thingy nbut they countedwrongly.. they didn coundt hose who sign uplate..so ok walkie talkie.. haha but im 8th..
damn damn shagged! and still hungry.. never swam so much in my life b4!
138 continuous then plus plus over the last twenty mins to 142 ir 146?
siao..i threw inthe towel thelast twenty mins.. cos started hallucinating.. i could see buffet and lots of food.. its so funny..its notjust seeing i could literally taste and smell them.. haha plates and paltes of macs noodles..fried rice..hahah so funny.. ireally needed sth to bite..
later went subway for foot long..kao the 1st position swam218 laps la..
it was the first time ifinish a foot long..
and i still felt hungry! haha havent stopped eatin since.. my shoulders were so numbed the foot long felt heavy! haha funny..
yay on a high now.. got quite alotof prices..cos they go by number oflaps..and its cumulative..and the competitive prize was a walkie talkie..
haha give one to thams theo ther ot irene.. the range is 3km..haha more than enuff for E blk window to F blk corridor.. hahahah
I failed. 6:02 AM
0 Comments
Thursday, September 6, 2007
ooh..
i had pharmaco tutorial.. for some reason i feel like an idiot after.. i dunno ok it was good. but i feel stupid.
can i make it? will i ever get ther.. that air of confidence and wisdom these ppl conduct.. i m swamped by doubt. but who knows who cares?
the airplane travels in the stratosphere. everything beneath is movin, rolling. the worlds spins below the body. but u re in another space another body. trapped in a frozen time zone. detached. waiting for the next encounter. but not relinquishing this moment either. its a nice feeling. imgine u can freeze time. or u are suddenly not part of this time concept. close ur eyes.. let the time slip by. fall out of the race for a bit. for just a bit. the sprint is nearing. but its always nearing. do u want to live ur life 1) in a perpectual sprint? 2) a steady pace 3) just fall out altogether. i wish someone said its ok to get angry and never let go. but there is oni so much ATP to burn. its okay. i ll live . tohear the sounds of furious clicking of mouses, furious typing, fflippin of pages, the world is movin.. i m not. the library builds its army. building.
everyone appears to care. i guess they do. but they are in this ith you. well not really.
i liked the pharmaco tutoril. i liek all the tutorials but they all make me wonder if i ll ever be good enough. prep or not i never have all the ans.. worse i do stupid things. almost all the time. dunhave the ans in myhead. sure if u know everything there will be no learning.. butif u dun it feels .. it doesnt feel good either. maybe i m not cut out for this race. maybe i shuld i shuld..
the two advices he gave to surviving med sch..
a) spend all ur time with patients..and discover that u really cant take it anymore.. then quit b4 its too late.
b) have fun whenever u can.. cos one day the time will come when u cant.
well a is not an option. i m not quittin. b maybe the time is up.
i need rest. lots of it. either that or we find a new drug.
I failed. 2:15 AM
0 Comments
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Out In Space
Oh my friend
We have spent
So much time looking for someone to blame
Cause were the same
The jealous games
Take up time we could spend on other things
Oh my friend
If it ends
Let us go and then not look back again
We can’t be
You and me
Taken' ourselves much too seriously
But out in space
A million miners work upon
The night’s cold face
But all I see is black
And all the stars look back
At me
Oh my friend
What a friend
I’d have thought you’d have stayed here till the end
I take a bow
Draw the crowd
We’re just words in the sand at high tide
But out in space
A million miners work upon
The night’s cold face
But all I see is black
And all the stars look back
And I’m leaving
Oh my friend
We should spend
Some more time looking from the other end
Cause we would see
So clearly
We’d blame ourselves as much as we’d blame weed
We’d blame ourselves as much as we’d blame weed
We’d blame ourselves
hello. i knew this day was comin. i m here to announce that i know.
i m such a loser.
I failed. 6:34 AM
0 Comments
Sunday, September 2, 2007
jcrc (raymond)
train- pbl (miracle)
mum- (agn clothes , almost no miracle)
tuition (miracle?)
crashcourse (needs miracle)
fat level (no miracle) earned it
training (needs miracle)
yafen (not enuff but suffice)
well iw anna blog. have alot floatin on my mind.. not like cell debri for macrophages that kinda float but rather just floatin.. maybe maybe emitin cytokines..desperately callin for intervention. but maybe by doin so i will injure everything else around. like i always do.
so heres the debri in no particular order.. do it like the NK cells.
the bullentin in front of me has my proud perfecct score achievements. it read/s nick;s wellness or sth liddat..
FAT percentage:10! low.. a bit unhealthy but normal for runners makes u feel cold easily!
top scores for everything else.. muscle mass: almost all of my weight
water oso above excellent
visceral fat : 1
and the best of all : body physique of 8.. (thin and muscular)
ok cheap thrill haha i mean half the info there is prob cock and bull.. but haha it elicited lots of funny responses.. shawn kok said eh its ur license to flirt now..wear it like a badge and walk around.. jy ask me wad i do.. wah lau am i very conscious of my diet.. well most ppl who i agree thk its crap cos i mean xin rong and ying liang apparently underexercise
haha gillian said sth well u prob deserve it.. train everyday..
haha oh well.. its a good laugh i ve to say. good laugh considering all that is to come
its so cute to think of all the issues and list them down liddat. raymond can/canot be classified as miracle
in case u havent heard i m the sports sec now.. unless otherwise contested in the week to come. so anyone wanna save my ass? (ok i m typin this in the jcrc room.. its not a precarious thing to say but its ironic.. but haha i m king of irony.. second to maybe raymond. ) jcrc..big scandals. raymond and zheng yu raymond and dom raymond and chee yen ray mond and 50th ray and 51st.. haha yeah raymond i love that guy so much i m carryin out
crash course tuition at hougang cc. sounds like a raymond thing no? like thammmy said.. ure hte new raymond in my life.. but how can ray not be the ray in ur life? but anyhow..i have to say i secretly wish we wun start classes..but now that money has bbeen spilled.. lets do this. lets get ppl.. i m tempted to pay two dollar comission to every student recommended to me by fren..
weekends are just too short. after the high of fri;s trg and lib send off.. sat time trials was alot less impressive.. went to meet yafen (finally geez) at hougang for lunch.. it felt i dunno.. it ended with well.. see you next year. so i guess i dun ve the vocab to describe.. but i feel like an amputee...? sigh ok no nick. thats not the right thing to say. i m glad she is well looks happy.. fine, doin really well there.. gettin accolades and awards.. glad she has adapted fine.. of cos she will.. she is quite the wonderwoman.. yeah i m happy for her..
i m fallin into the whirl of everyone wants me to be their fren but no one wants to be mine? trend of thts..but nah doesnt apply not today
. i failed. i failed to stall time. its weird.. but it waas really alot less dramatic..maybe cos i was really hungry and tired..and worn out at that point of time.. but i wish i could jump in and tell her about wads going on like gd old times.. but it feels like we ve been separated by hemispheres (we are)..ha i asked her the qn./.if she has someone alr.. the ans seemed pretty obvious... its all good. i need to soldier on. i ate alot.
it shouldnt. none of the things i listed above shuld feel fine.
for eg.. rushing my pbl last min on the train is not fine. is puttin things at risk. k it was a miracle i finished it and wasnt late.. it was a miracle it stopped raining. it was miracle that it was oni pbl.
today was a miracle..again i dozed off while my fam was out..and well it flooded the kitchen again. it was amiracle my um said its alrite and after i cleaned up.. she didnt scold me.. or ath.. she told me she was sorrya bt the last time.
im in that latent state where i would believe anyone. i mena i believe her..but i would beleive anyone swallow anything now.. i ll nod m yhead if u said the sun rose from the west.
right i need to study, understatement. raymond says he need one more candidate to form his team of three.. if not he might not run.. but he alr got his wish of re elections. he said he offered to be my team;s vice pres but my pres didnt want. but my pres was askin if it was possible for us to stand raymond and collaborate.. hmm?
aloy and glen..sigh.. i feel like i dunno wad to say to them. i dun ve to say ath..
ok maybe i m not so brimming with thts afterall.. maybe its not that cute.
I failed. 8:32 AM
0 Comments