Thursday, August 30, 2007
are you who you wanna be?
I failed. 7:43 AM
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Monday, August 27, 2007
winter just wasnt my season.
i have a rather huge back log of reading to do. by now it shuld be nth new i guess. this is my life, my course..
as promised much happened last week. i m now elect for jcrc sports sec. who would ve thought. i kinda believe in fate alr. haha
it was not too long ago precisely a year.. i was seated in the room.. in a long meetin i cant wait to excuse myself from. basically the gatherin of a few capts.. by dom to talk abt ke sporting stats. and i was thinkin to myself..wad a shitty job.. so boring.. win or lose.. play or not wads the big deal.. and
so the deal is.. well its me.
i feel increasingly unable to push my cardio. i dunn.. .. i jsut feel unnatural nowadays on exertion.. but i feel faster than b4 i dunno.. .
life catches up. it always does. i have 5 days of trg.. ok maybe six..this week. passed my btt..first to walk out of that touch screen room..haha and yeah dnd... was quite a blast. it was really quite well done.good emcee.. good fun and all.. liek the ambience and all..and its over as well.
so what keeps one going? the never ending lookin forward to the next adrenaline charged act? or issit the peace and calmness that comes from within. or issit the promise of serenity to come? what drives you? is it the upcoming party? the future house u get to build? the fam that has yet to exist..the collection of cars hopefully in ur backyard? the smiles that u are going to bring to many faces you have never met. the promise of golden times with the one.
there is a reason why we photograph. we all know it alr. its to remember the days. and ppl.
I failed. 12:28 AM
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Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Wreck Of The Day
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cuz love doesnt hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
Maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love
my current fav emo song. and it makes sense.. i be drivin soon! haha i can feel it.. right. just passed btt today.. mr. noob
haha i m feelin quite purposeful.. like there is alot to do. trg.. get back in shape.. alot to read. yr two stuff is really alot more ineresting.. well harder of course.. but yeah i like. haha or at least i can say for now.
haha wah quite a coincidence today.. two ppl ask me for my blog add again at the same time..
i dunno writin is a source of strength somehow. i thk.. esp when it gets lonely. it really does. no tthat there is lack of comapny.. just that u know u have thigns to do and it is the self discipline in u speakin.. no nick.. not supper .. patho.
yeah i need alot more self discipline.. must train hard.
its audrey;s bday today.. haha i m cake bearer second time alr.. haha and i was editing xin rong's entry on medical student;s perspective on hall life.. she jokingly aske dme to check her eng i thkcos we alwasy laughed at her.. but i ended up changin qutie a bit..nah i dint change much..just structural changes.. ok set i m joinin pubs comm haha.. i mean i like writin.but i fig i m not gd enuff..just like hundred other thigns i do.. plainly just not gd enuff..
but must write la.. its a use it of lose it thingy.
mum called.. life is hard. dad is losing it. sigh i m giving up.
not
I failed. 11:36 AM
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Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she's left
Cleaning up the mess he made
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart
On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world
So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too
bleagh didnt win. tsk. colin was darn fast. and well our girl was not prep.. she just eaten and she ran.. and i was a bit blur.. sigh.. and timin not fantastic.. sigh ok. its over.
hates bein 2nd best. but nah thats not the real reaason i m upset.. i feel that i m always far from my best when the real test is here.
i am addicted to daughters by joh nmayers.. tho i m pretty sure the words well.. not sth i relate to in anw at this point of time.
med supper was haha a laugh.. it was over b4 we knew it.. pizza come pizza gone ok
must pass tml haha it ll be a real laugh otherwise.
I failed. 8:54 AM
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Monday, August 20, 2007
haha i copied this from a blog i found. trying to make frens with the author haha i me an blogger. kinda says what i wanna hear at this moment. ;)
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97... wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists; whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are NOT as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance.
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
irene bday, meetin with huiling, btt, medix, dnd, road relay.. well some significant some lesser.. but significance is a measure significant oni to the individual no? take today;s break for eg. ha i feel functional.
I failed. 10:46 AM
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Sunday, August 19, 2007
sigh haha.. road relay canceled cos of weather.. iw as complainin to hte yr 4 medics that i feel cheated off my weekend.. and she said.. really but what would be doin otherwise? haha crap..pretty much no diff i guess.. online rottin.. tryin to read my notes haha
bleagh an di ended up running with them..on a full stomach...crap.. that sucked.. my junior said.. wah u run at thsi speed with a full stomach.. i cant imagine ur real speed.. but i thk my ability to push is back up..like that day i was pacin the front lot in the team.. it was really satisfying..my whole lungs was burnin but i manage to keep up realtively well.. good enuff for now.. 21 mins plus for 5 k plus.. is not bad now.. but
wads not good is my knees.. i need the fan la.. but its freezinupmy joints.. this sucks.. my knees really crazy alr.. i realised i m not hte oni one with the problem tho.. the back row ppl i sit with were complanin of the same thing that day inside one of the cars.. see thats why i wear jeans to sch..
bleagh i realised i m going to miss trg.. on mon.. cos of perm sec thingy.. then i realise i ll miss agn.. on wed..btt.. i might most prob miss. craps.. i dun even wanna miss pbl la.. hais
ok but htis week shuld be quite exciting.. got dnd.. and dunno wad haha
need extended luck for tml
I failed. 8:46 AM
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Saturday, August 18, 2007
feelin strangely good. spoke to edwin tandiono supadi this morning.. haha yeah my sec sch classmate.. three yrs.. studyin in the states now.. gonna grad in a yr.. electrical engineering uni of california.. haha wow.. and he still rmbs alot.. rmb disturbing hilbert haha rmbthe days when he took out his top in math coin and said.. stupid coin throw at them.. its a medal actuali.. haha
wow i miss him man.. we talked for like 5 hrs.. used to play chess and bball with him quite alot.. he is doin jap now..and i told him i did bahasa indon haha.. wow but he is really an international citizen.. born indon studied sg, uni us.. he said he doesnt ike it there..food and all..his frens are almost all indonesians.. he wants to settle somewhere asian.. maybe japan..haha wow.. and he say prob visit sg next yr..gap yr b4 he starts werking.. cool dude..
he said wow we are all doin cool majors.. hanqun myself and hsien yeow.. haha he asked if hsien yeow is a joker in army.. haha he actuali remembers alot.. like our bio tcha's name.. and how she once told him to drop bio la..give up la..haha
i shuld be aslp.. and cofm hasnt actuali done its magic and put me to bed. well it did in the afternoon.
i had a long chat with another new fren too.. kinda new. cool
i m goin hall early tml after tution actuali.. wah kao.. i ll be so sleepy.. and i m going back for road relay.. ibg.. bleagh i told myself i would not do it no matter wad but here's nick once agn.. doin the entire opposite of wad he says. pos.
cos blk com says we have a gd line up..with me runnin we might jsut win..which is true.. we do have all the girls.. and the two other guys they fillin.. one is really good.the other is an experienced marathoner..which just leaves me to screw things up .. sigh cos ,lately i have been doin that quite well.. i mena i broke my goggles strap.. bloody hell.
ok so the key is must win and nth else.. i m not very focused now.. but i need to thk of my run plan.. go out there focus on openin stride.. focus on winning and absolutely nth else. i thk i can do that.
sigh. wish me luck yeah
i do need alotof luck next week.. its gonna be quite a week. lots to look forward to.. and even more to detest.
I failed. 9:29 AM
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Friday, August 17, 2007
its almost as if something bad is abt to happen.
its a very very long and shitty day.
thk i brt it all upon myself. once again way to go.
my goggles strap snap.
i feel destroyed really. i ve raced how many times withthat pair? crap
this sucks to the max. ARGGGGGGGGGH
ok i give up.
I failed. 3:46 AM
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Tuesday, August 14, 2007
second day of sch. its a weird mixed of emotions.
yeah like some concoction really. a familiar taste but not so familiar all at the same time. like a longing u wanna steer away from.
yeah am glad to be back, am ready for werk and all the stress that is to come or at least i like to think i m.
but there are things i think will take much longer to get used to again.
like the pangs of loneliness once agn. the insane pangs of doing things alone.. yeah its ironic. i actuali spend both lesser time and ve fewer frens when sch starts
maybe sch hasnt gotten hectic yet.. so i m just stonin by myself the large part of it.
cmon man. grow some nerves. b4 its too late
I failed. 5:11 AM
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Thursday, August 9, 2007
school starts tomolo.
ok to be fair i had a gd and darn long break. i kinda look forward.. cos will get to hang out with frens haha but not that im not hangin out with them anw now.
i hope rag ends soon.. i kinda feel for the poor stressed out ppl. sigh. and i feel kinda leftout.. its a relief but outcast feelin..weird eh nick.
haha ok i should thk abt startin to go into serious trg mode alr. i forsee my fitness lyin way behind everyone else for now.. all the mths of eatin and gettin fat and not doin ath haha.. well i m back.
i kinda like my new room. its far and high up.. but i m bein hounded by mozzies. yeah they breed i bleed.
but otherwise i like my new room with cool additions. like swivel chair, thermal flask nah no fridge still.... and comin soon a shoe rack..
haha
its acutali nearer to shepherd's path. so breakfast.. u re not sth i might wanna go for anymore. haha but we ll see
but my new room has no wireless. cant receive..sigh am confined to the table when i wanna use mr lappie. which is not a bad thing..means i wun be lazin on the bed with my lappie and screwin my oculi.
i decided not to bring my ipod charger too..so i ll listen less to my ipod.. i thk i m losin my hearin fast. haha.. ok a bit exagerrated but well.. who knows.
yah my room is still neat. for now.
I failed. 6:41 AM
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Saturday, August 4, 2007
Leave Out All The Rest
Dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Don't be afraid
I've taking my beating
I've shared what I've been
I'm strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I've never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you're asking me
I want you to know
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that ive done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
i got a lotof music alr thanks to d.
we become what we dislike most. well one of my pet peeve abt hall is the tons of ppl whoa sk u abt urself ask u qns that can seem so pointless and fake cos they will ask u the exact same thing a few days later..lik eoh u wad fac? oh wad sch? oh what u join? and oni to forget later.. someitmes even ur name they dun rmb.
and i find myself guilty of doing so today. i met jo the m4.. in ntuc today.. haha she is really nice i felt so bad ia skedhe same thing si asked agn.. like oh whos ur bro..haha but this tim ei made the connectioni wun forget.. he is my vj direct junior.. and stayin in f blk.. wah bro and sis in med sch.. kinda cool..like glen lee eh..
i m not even upset anymore u know. thanks to you. u are all liddat.
sigh i m having one of those attacks agn. my oni achievement is finishin potter eh. these days
i realised i m n ot good at ath at all. i cant sew cant cook..cant play the violin.. or sing in a band. or dance. swim oso no medals.. not in a while. i m good for nth. nth. i m not a nice person. everyoneis a medical student these days. i ve nth. i feel empty. i reallyu durin one of those intro urself to the freshies session..cmon go on say ur hobby or wad u re good at. nth. its true. sigh here i m sobbin.. i dun even like ath i do.. tuition? bleagh.. and my frens all abandon me for higher callings.
its just one of those days.
i thk i wanna do hall play. cast of cos.
I failed. 7:00 AM
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Wednesday, August 1, 2007
back from arts cafe. tummyache.. jonk played.. nice. played my two all time fav emo song..yellow and iris agn..
do u think i m an enthusiasm extinguisher? cos lately i feel all i do is put ppl down reject them.. and so on. do ppl feel ath other than sian ard me. or worse they thk im emo troubled or wadeva.. i mnot la.. i m just perpectually tired and lost in space. yes lost in space is a nice song btw.
flaggin is tirng really and i thk the oni thing i gained from flaggin well other than hall points. is i learn the word locum. its actuali locum tenecy. like replacin someone temporaily.. since my frens thk im a flirtologist.. thk biologist (expert in bio) i shant deny it. ok i m good. i flirt withthe aunty who washes the toilet to let me enter and empty my bladder. but yeah if u wanna locum for me i dun mind.. i got dates. haha right.
i feel fickle and bad. actuali i do think im type b sometimes. type a or b eepends on situation really. if i m in fornt of very zai ppl who i m afraid to make m istakes in front of.. or need mroe time to decide ..or generally just feelin blur i ll recline to a type b profile no? yeah wad best not to rush and be agigtated..and if everyone ard me is type a i ll comfortably be a type b seriosuly..cos no point usin so many explosives when u get the same effect. but i m type a really. i wish i could be type b more.
btu anw the person who apparently thks i m type b. well i like that. and she rocks. todayi was playin with thams phn. she msged him "ur hp lags la" then i reply "ok lor hp as lag as person hais" and she replied"oh no ! dun emo please! i m sorry or sth liddat" and i said no la haha i not emo i m next to nick theemo king leh.. and she replied"why is nick semo..then u must take over my role and cheer him up!" haha wow irene! rocks. yeah she does cheer me up alot.. i dun thk her laughter is one bit irritatin its actuali infectious.. i eevr read an article abt hte mechanics of a woman;s smile in a man;s brain..the number or hormonal responses etc.. a lt leh.. but irene laugheter really is sth. haha i missed it alot when i was backpakcin.. cos i was backpackin withthe sianest trio from med sch haha
went AIC yest.. was very nice. ther are local talents really. i mean look at jonk
then went t grace;s hse for acapella prac which i subsequently puleld out,. i feel like ok i havent been to so many private houses in these two two mths of my life so far.. haha its really sth. tutees.. all my med frens.. and their nice posh lofts.. sigh,..when i will i get there? but anw..i pulle dout cos i felt i want goin to be ready in three days..s o amny songs to learn.. and so little time. and may not thru aud and if get by means mroe prac..and that reminds me too much of choir which not very pleasant memories..the ppl well they are really nice i thk..but i dun feel comfy with them..tis so busineess like. like no his..wad u do and make frens thk..like so a la business colleague btu anw.. i really feel bad abt pullin out.. ihate to turn ppl down.. i know i shouldnt always feel obliged but. i m yes man. in fact it took me dammn long ot write the email and after i sent it i couldt believe i did so ad later when grace replied i was really thinkin..ok crap i m going back..but nah now i m really busy on e weekends.
am i very fickle?
i went out with dafuni today. i missed her. and the old old frens.. i wish that ppl will stay in touch u know. festive seasons etc.. ok realy nto just festive seasons and bday for gdness sake.. but eventualli we will face up treality and everyone moveson.. and its time to get all emo. sigh
and there is another reason to be emo. gasp. i m movin in on mon.. to hall and sch starts on fri.. oh oh oh oh for the longest sigh. oh oh oh.. for the longest sigh.
u re pitiful its true
i saw ur face
in a crowded mall
and i dunno what to do
cos i never be with u
u re so pitiful
I failed. 8:57 AM
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