Sunday, February 25, 2007
i m staring at my werkstation now. just unpacked all my luggage from home. i m all set i think. yes i am. ts time to go full steam again. put all distractions aside.. the war of space for competing attns from all matters shall be dissolved. god u sound like a real geek.
anw the difference between bukan and tidak: tidak is used after verb and adjective. bukan after noun or preposition. bukan dari Place.. yeah bukan is also used as owever to show contasting sentences. haha genius.
sigh this has to be home for now. KE VII med library nus campus, dining hall. yeah for a while. today was good pay day. money makes me happy above all else. at least thas all that matters now. sigh i worry for my studens i thk they are not going to do well. it reflects on the teacher. always does. i take my responsibilities seriously. yeap yeap.
crap.
anyway its time to focus on my real responsibilities. no more dailymotion facebook etctc.. two weeks to go.
I failed. 5:10 AM
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Friday, February 23, 2007
i wanna say that i m burnt out . i feel really tired mentally. feel like all i wanna do is shut down. feeling really lousy about myself. and i cant put a finger to exactly why.
training wasnt liftng today. i norm feel good after trg. but i kinda felt like crap today. i guess i was holding back a lot. my swim my run everything. i felt like i was dying. i guess this is what happen when u try to put too much food on ur plate. not literally. i dun thk ill do well for bahasa. or for the upcoming cas. or for anything at all. i prob make a laughing stock of myself on the pageant day. i dun thk i feel affected. i feel numb. yes yes think of the holidays. sigh but i stare at my notes and they stare back at me. telling me hey dude 4 more years if u re lucky. i feel like vomiting.
nah all i want to do is sleep. the weather is making me irritable.
run and dun hold back eve nif its a longer distance.
the mid sem break is over. i hope when sch starts i ll be motivated. witha little bit of luck i can do fine. i really waste too much of this holidays not gettin much work done. but its not abt the reusults really. its never abt the results. its the self worth right?
sigh sunday is gonna be spent givingtuition.
i m not sure if this is really what i want btu i keep dreaming of the guards camp lately. wakin up breakin in cold sweat. thinkin of... my dreams are the kind that u knw. its as if someone put a gun to my head and say u have got no otherchoice. either way its a black hole.
eyah damn it i keep dreamin of the camp. the mattress the csm's face. the vulglarities the falling in.. mindless parades the greenn long sleeve. the sticky feeling. sigh.
i have to pull thru this. gotta wake up and stop envying others. i wish i could be on a beach in a kbox room i n a cinema in a dungy room playing pool playing a group sport now. i might even take drugs to get a high now. i feel so trapped. i wish i could be free. free of conflicting responsibilities. either that or i just want ot be totally alone. i wish i could be in a foregin place. with no one who recognises me but i have the means the financial muslce to do or get ath i want
i wish i wouldn feel gilty if i spend a bit of time on stuff oter than werk. both sch and ut of sch. i wish life didnt ve to be so strignet and serious all the time. i wish there was someone who understand me or care. i wish i didnt have to care so much abt the whole damn world.
i wish i was less angry all the time.
right, gut embryology. here i come.
I failed. 5:17 AM
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Thursday, February 22, 2007
friday in less than 8 mins. oh no. the mad med rush.
oh well actualli the library was already fileld with people on wednesday. sigh it was like a normal school day in the medical library. but everywhere else it looked like a holiday. areal mid sem break.
hmm the best thing that happen this week was: ilike! check out the link. its darn cool . i m so envious of people who use their igarageband to make music sigh for a mac user i m really sucky. there are really nice songs out there by budding garageband artists. darn another addiction to feed. i tht i accomplish quite a lot this week. i stramed eveyr house prison break and small ville there are online and i have watch up to each of their very recent episode. yeap no mean feat. a lot of patience involved. streaming a t home is a lot slower than i in hall.
i fle that hall. my room was really congested. i need to study wit hall my stuff sprawled out in front of me. hmm well i dun think it made much of a difference. i still feel that the space is nto enuff wherever i go. and i spend way too much time on my laptop.
ilike is really cool u can challenge urself at that ilike challenge. listen to streamed music adn so much more. great idea for a website.
sigh ok i really need to push myself the following weeks. sigh i feel very unmotivated. but there is alot going on still.
i need to give myself one of those pep talks again. abt how the hokidays are coming. how i must aim to do blah blah blah well and how i dun want to be get average grades much less retain or wadeva. its a scary tht whichever way u look at it.
i hope i ll wake up for trg tomorrow.
I failed. 7:51 AM
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007
its over. phew another year. i asked my bro what is so special abt cny? as in what does it mean to him. alright i didnt ask my bro that. i asked some people in general. liek a survey thing.
oh chinese new year is when relatives hang out. visit each other. there are ang pows and cookies. you go visit each other. all about the merry making. but then lets see, if relatives love each otehr that much.. visitng can be done any time of the year. if the point is to keep in touch, remember each otehr, check on how each other is doing , shouldnt relatives meet up regualrly.. be really concerned and interested. i m not slamming cny really. because i knwo of families who meet up every weekends cousins go to sch tgt, play tgt, parents are really bestest frens. sure cny would mean something. i am not blaming or saying that oh its becos that doesnt happen in my family that;s y cny has no meaning. its just that it is really differnt. circumstances are such that we lead very differnt lives.people barely have time to themselves and the regualr phn call jsut doesnt happen..
unless unless
its 1) oh how u did for ur a levels
2) hey my cupboard is spoilt ur dad CAN repair right
3) i need a lift to the airport.. i m so bussy can u get me a ride.. take leave k..
4) ok maybe illness
5) the sniggers and oh i told u so.. see thats why family C is not doin that good. I WAS RIGHT.
and cny becomes meaningless. people wanting to associate more with u only when u re fiancially educationally or some big shots. suddenly u re so wonderful. . even gd looking. and they start lookin for flaws.. like but u re so skinny..must have not been takin care of urself.. makin money is not eveyrthin.. studyin is not every thing..and th e coup de grace is something like.. if u need any help tell me k.. ( it sounds more like the next promotion be sure to give mea treat..)
Dr ng is not bein bitter. but it is really quite torturing. to have to depart ur upper lip fro mthe lower one for more than three hours with ur somatic nervous system aka voluntarily. with great effort involved. tetany leads to cramps.
and there are the weird and rude cousins who thk they are boss. obviously too spoilt. dunno why or how.. jsut weird.. come in to ur kitchen skip the please and thankyou even the greetings .and demand thigns like i wanna cook instant noodles or secretly vandalisie ur new tables with his pencil fetish. Or the aunts with derranged minds comaprin the heights and weight of her kids with u. its just plain awkward and weird ..but since she is derranged chances are she has no clue the world leaped over its own axis. or that pluto is no longer a planet.
my mum still gets very agigtated my dad is still an asshole. i erm.. haha shall bask in my medical glory .. hee hee. . know what ppl its got nth to do wit hyou. this life i lead. considering my mum is very sick. considering that i could be having way much more fun in hanquns house considering i could have finish mugging like... ( ok thats not one of the considerations)
considering. .. i m just glad to say yay cny is over. and not a moment too short was it.
mysterious uncle A bounced back to life. has a family now. masked his secret dark dark past. ultimately leading the dreamed life. say a decade ago u were runnin from authorites travelin the world makin love to women all over the world,, getin into a lot of trouble losing ur sibling;s trust, jsut runnin..finally u go bankrupt.. a decade later.. u have a family, draaw a pretty cool salary.. a new born baby, a bigger house than many can imagine.. and a family who doesnt know ur history. say i have an uncle liddat.. my mum made contact with him agn..
he was smokin outside his house. mum told him he shuld cherish life more.. its liek a second cahnce.. and he says sth like
life is meaningless. they dun need me. they dun need a father. they oni need my mney. i have plenty for them. i wish to depart.
that uncle.
i never mug pictures before. muggers dun go to hell. on the contrary they get to go on holidays to europe and their relatives adore them on cny.
I failed. 7:50 AM
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Monday, February 19, 2007
oh well cny this yr is nto as much gloom and doom yet. ok thats becos i have oni visited half the family. i m planning on mia- ing the other visits.
essential meducation: the wathcin of house. .for once i study in my room with no snide remarks from the relatives on how i could be 1) kiasu 2) study oni never exercise?!!! 3) so pale lookin 4) parents must give me a lto fo stress??!! sheesh for the record i dunno about the above 4 points they just go t o show how well my relatives know me.. or rather love to play the role of once a year commentary on ppl's life and the o - so - i know - surface - value- of - human- lives...
well now they say things like. i never liked bio.. or is there a lot of memory werk. wah u studyin the eye now ah? yes i was reading eye today. grr
bleagh i have this stingy sensation that wun go away.. its quite irritatin .hah went open sea swimmin today.. gettin used to the water and sense of direction..acquiring the sense of direction alr. there are stingy feelin all over limbs chest and so on really no clue abt what is biting and normally the sensation fades away btu not this one.. i got stung at my (no glen not epiddymis) my nips and i understand why that is a sensitive region now. aww its been affectin my cranial process the entire day.
yeah still its hard to study in peace when the relatives are ard. gotta play occassional chn chess. gotta i dunno.. its noisy so i watch house. .i swear i m learnin much more from house haha and that is prob cos i m not learning ath much now. haha
crap.
tomorrow is gonna be a long day. more rollin of eyes. stupidity and insanity.
my dad once agn cant read ppl and caused my uncle to scold his son. lets say uncle A thinks of himself as an intellect. three things affect him. his weight, his cholesterol levels and his children studies. he takes a defensive stance agst these issues per se. my dad hais doesnt know when to stop talking. he thinks he is funny but he really isnt. sure no harm when u crack booze jokes, looks work car money politics no sweat. but bleagh he chose to comment on uncle As weight gain. then after a few more of wad he perceive an unintentional n personal jokes (insults really) he succeded in gettin my uncle pissed at his son. i cant rmb what his son did but my dad said sth liek aaiyoh like father like son. and uncle A lost his cool. wanted to pack and go home. cousins ended up in tears. so much drama ma ma.. (nah got more in my room house is gettin exciting)
but really if u try to educate my dad on how to.. to be a human being. read tack. iguessits not going to happen. he scoffs the whole world as being overly sensitive yada yada..
i thk i m oversensitive tho. i havent seen this person online in a while and i get a hunch that she has me blocked and i l lfeel really queasy for a long time and then haha start tryin to recall the things that i have said.. if i offended her or wad. i wish life wasnt so stressful. yes nick u suck at human relationships. u should stick to machines. awkward
mum is very ill. gotta go A and E tml. sigh.
heaven is in santorini.
I failed. 7:38 AM
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
gawd i cant move. haha i mwatching this episode of house now with the humongous man that many fireman are tryin to rescue out of the burning building. irony. i feel rather immobile too.
i dun get the concept of buffet. i find myself havin to force a weak smile everytime its over. two reasons for that. one i had an unwilling dinner either cos i hate eatin that much food or it just wasnt satisfying or i couldnt make out what exactly i ate or that the company plainly sucked. the other reason which is more common is that i simply starved with o much food.. hyperactive parasympathetic activity in the gut.. makes contraction of facial mucles difficult. ok that was bull. but its hard to smile when u either want to defeacate or vomit or u cant make up ur mind or which u head to a toilet to try both.
a bit dramatic. but i thk buffets are one of the spend money to suffer amusements.
Paris takashimaya.. i thought it was quite good the food. my uncle treated as i played dodged the medical education questions game with my relatives. ooh howse med? tough not? next itme go ur clinic.. i havea chest pain.. so when are ur exams.. gee..
but i complain all the time. when i m in the spotlight i dun like it. .when i m not i frown too. nick is weird.
is ba kua the best ting abt cny? hmm actuali its prob true. its addictive and anything that is addictive is really good.
haha anyway i went for trg today. cos its at east coast park and i figure i shuld do some exercise b4 i start pigging out.
kindagettin used to open sea swimming alr.. infact its qutie alot more fun. tho its dirty and painful cos alot of bugs biting u..and u geta lot of cuts thereafter.. but pain is actually the best aprt about it.
i got an email from my team vice
hey guys try to avoid over eating and drnking and so on this holidays.. rmb comp is less than two weeksaway..
haha another really cute guy said can u be specific abt what we should eat less.. haha thats just plain comical.
right. actuali i m thinkin of open sea swimming everyday.. i mean i do live very near the sea.. its just outside my windows. hm.
meanwhile happy lunar.
I failed. 7:27 AM
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Friday, February 16, 2007



HEY HEY
i like my new blog layout. well there is no particular reason why i moved really. not liek there was any significant event that took place eg. big mood swings etc... well many major events that could excite an action potential on thee blogging scale have happened but i have just been lazy. still i would love to keep track of my thoughts. anyway i dun liek my old blog cos its filled with undecipherable dotting short forms bad grammar and so on.. haha so thats the main reason i decided to move. haha looks liek i m not just messy when it comes to my handwriting. apparently there is no difference when it comes to blogging.
its not that i m not a zoolander fan anymore. ha and of cos its not that im no longer ridiculously gd looking its just that sequence of events ve made this omohyoid my fav muscle anatomically. and hmm phonetically.
about the omohyoid. it was the first muscle my first fren in med and i took note of i nteh first session of anat prac. today where i stand the sum of duration of all anat sessions added tgt is less than the duration i spent within the first session much less than time i spend watchin house yes mr greg house.
right the omohyoid
let me pin point its position for u
its really a strap muscle with an anterior and posterior belly attached to ur hyoid bone
It arises from the upper border of the scapula, and occasionally from the superior transverse scapular ligament which crosses the scapular notch, its extent of attachment to the scapula varying from a few millimetres to 2.5 cm.
From this origin, the inferior belly forms a flat, narrow fasciculus, which inclines forward and slightly upward across the lower part of the neck, being bound down to the clavicle by a fibrous expansion; it then passes behind the Sternocleidomastoideus, becomes tendinous and changes its direction, forming an obtuse angle.
It ends in the superior belly, which passes almost vertically upward, close to the lateral border of the Sternohyoideus, to be inserted into the lower border of the body of the hyoid bone, lateral to the insertion of the Sternohyoideus.
The central tendon of this muscle varies much in length and form, and is held in position by a process of the deep cervical fascia, which sheaths it, and is prolonged down to be attached to the clavicle and first rib; it is by this means that the angular form of the muscle is maintained. see picture above
phonetically
it just tickles the hell out of glen and myself.. and many ppl i mean dun you that it sounds like oh my hoid!
haha in hong kong haha sorry.. along with muscles like lat dorsi and deltoids.. catonese soundin muscle..
maximus just means big.
what is going to be different abt this blog
well its going to be abt the same topics i guess somethings may never come to any end
an endless debate of sensitive issuses
1) what life could have been if not for...
2) people who dun give a damn
3) feeling made used of everyday
4) how would i be if i was studyin abroad..
5) religion and i
6) family
7) exam studies ccas and a whole lot of bitching
alternatively
it might be abt the most depressed or perverted profs but nah. i doubt it.
there is a really nice photo up there to show what i ve been missin.
there i s also a photo of the rainbow thata wass shot from my window.
except i stay home really too little and it makes me moody.
and the worse has yet to come. comin.. see cny.
I failed. 7:23 AM
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Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now
Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day?
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realised what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me ?
And after all
You're my wonderwall
Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
I failed. 5:03 AM
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