Saturday, December 13, 2008
?moving
http://ivtotabenzolitariandiazepams.blogspot.com/
I failed. 8:42 AM
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Sunday, September 14, 2008
how not to feel jaded.
how to feel hopeful
how to find sth to be passionate abt.
to find passion
a scary thought
girls have two ladders, one for frenship, the other for relationship. the higher u go on the frenship ladder, the harder it is to cross over.
for a bit of self preservation, climb another ladder.or slip down the rungs.
guys have oni one ladder, every potential female fren is a mate haha. they are all the same. if any one on the ladder gets their clothes off, the guy will sleep with her. oops
haiyo i didnt come up with this.
this is what comes next.
off patho
plus one student
plus 4 write ups
plus cofm project
plus drivin test
plus med eopt
plus a million and one dinenrs to cath up
i am beginning to think that life is really empty. meaningless. its ike when will i ever graduate man. everyday i must go thru the motion, studying werking bathng eating sleeping shitting. sigh there is like nothing. is there?
n of cos its not abt outting meaning into just one person sigh. i resign.
the jaded
the unreasonable
the la la land.
self preservation. seriously whats that?
i wish i can plan for elective now or sth. its like just goin thru each day waiting for the next meal now.
re·la·tion·ship
1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students.
4. a sexual involvement; affair.
-- dictionary.com
human interaction is profound. it's like chemistry. hydrochloride acid solution in a state of equilibrium in a beaker. every action, every word spoken or unspoken, disrupts the equilibrium. turn on the heat, particles vibrate harder, hydrochloride vapours form. add in sodium hydroxide, ions dissociate, switch partners. leave it to stand, the water evaporates, loose powdery crystals form. every little thing done has an effect. and doing nothing about it doesn't mean nothing happens. something always happens.
beyond money and books, sustaining delicate equilibriums of relationships with the ones around you is probably the most challenging task of all.
haha damn geek. and copycat.
if you type a :) in ur message, does it really mean u're smiling/happy?
maybe u're:
a) genuinely happy
b) trying to sound happy
c) convincing urself that u're happy
d) trying to be polite
hmm copycat agn.
ok i will give my take
a) 5 percent of the time or less
b) 80 percent of the time
c) 15 percent of the time
d) all the time. 100 percent. always inclusive
yeah thats me. what abt you?
I failed. 5:34 AM
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Saturday, August 30, 2008
its been a while. i used to be the one tellin ppl that life is unfair. but dun worry.i always feel that somehow i can fix the world.that i can be there for ppl. that i will understand and have a er hmm "wisdom" that well works.
its weird how i m on that receiving end. these days
sigh actually i can feel it too. i am sorry that i ve been so moody. i just have no heart whatsoever really. sorry cg 28 sorry AH sorry family. sorry sorry sorry. i wonder what the first apology ever made in human civilisation was for. heh.
so yah back to life is unfair. how there are good ppl and bad ppl. how they are ppl who always look good anw. how ..yah la lots of ppl in this world. those who rather play safe, those who take risks, those who are rash those who never like to make decisions those whoa r always fightin to make decisions blah blah. ppl make this world a constant push and pull field. say what u dun mean do what u dun say. but at one point in time, everyone makes a decision. an imapctful one. altho we can debate once agn on how impactful our lives are ever going to be.
life can be slowpaced on outside but ur head can be racing like mad. life can be zooming by but ur brain can be in stasis. at this point of time i dunno which is the case for me. to be honest, life is really a bit slow paced for my liking. no one seems to be rushing in AH. the big hosps, no matter how crazy to rush, u always have werk to do. here, there is just no one rushing. the nurses have time to watch us do embarassing PEs. makes me self conscious really. (erm becos i m not good at all, not for other reasons) but of cos this isnt the case. the truth is the world is rushing. eceryone is always tryi to catch that bus, that train.
i really dun think i will make it.
i dun think i will graduate anymore.
not becos its tough. i mean it is tough.
but becos. just becos somewhere in me doesnt want to go on like this.
i know that we are bound to be disillusioned at one point or another and everytime it happens it feels like this time would take the cake.
but anyhow so far i m trying to recall a time in life when i havent felt disillusioned.
isnt anyone trying to find me?
wun somebody come take me home?
its a damn cold night
i m trying to figure out this life.
so take me by the hand
take me somewhere near
i dunno who you are
but I .
.
.
.
.
.
I am with you.
i am still in so many yahoo groups. the NUS biathlon one now has so many emails from ppl i know. i mean not surprising, my batch mates have entered uni and i have been in that cca. that kind.
i just dun remember who i am sometimes.
but every life, every nuance have been in somekind of song.
so this is what i thk.
i thk the ipod or music on the go is one of the best invention. block the world out. thats how i wanna live sometimes. thats how i wanna leave. if every step we take has rhythm beat tune, most imptly lyrics, life would be a lot easier to live. and in actual fact there is. there always is a beat in life.
its just that when the music stops. we panic
you can take as many pictures with ur brain with ur memory. but once in a while , just one in a while a picture says a thousand words only when tangible.
so here you go 137 photographs plus one.
I failed. 3:18 AM
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Monday, August 18, 2008
its monday.
i feel restless and bored.
my mind is spinning at a rate i dont like.
so i tuck it underwater.
i am an addict
i went back to hall on sunday for jcrc meeting and later stayed over at thammy's.
F5 is so guai now. no smokers. jing ze the health freak stays there. hmm he said he finally knows what im talkin about..hall life uni all this time, was so beyond his understanding when we hang out. he says he wants to join pageant cos its 8 points easily he thinks. haha! so spontaneous?
the oni other such personi know is mosses?
anw, anyhow i made a decision. but i ll leave the rest up to fate? or whatever u call it.
so i stayed up to talk with him till late, until irene came back from wushu comp with a bday cake. argh. i asked how come got cake..so paiseh.so stupid.
but nvm haha i ate the most cake.
then this mornin i sent her off. her cg mate cannot wake up even until 6pm? argh
i went swimming after that
my lap top crashed.
my goggles broke
and i dropped my handphone like 5 times. once from A1 bus cos of the crowd, then another time in my bed room, from my bed..aregh..i really hope it doesnt spoil. so i m desperately tryin to ..argh.. ihope it doesnt spoil.
yah my goggles break.damn loser so i went askin ard the office and lifeguards if they have an extra pair of goggles, my eyes prone to infx sia.
but no one lent me..and then it rained so heavily. so there was thisguy who was gonnabathe, i asked him for his googles... quite nice guy la..bathe damn long, had t ime for me to do 15 laps..
sigh later i did some laaps without goggles and yah some underwater medidation.
its the best wait to see whats on ur mind i think holding ur breath going under.
n i saw alot.
the then the present a hints of the future.
i decided not to save my lap top's data. sigh its ok. i ll get a new hard disk.
perhaps its a sign.to put the past behind. n start afresh. and to look forward n believe
believe.
well at least irene is back home celebrating her bday :)
everything sounds nicer in jap.
I failed. 4:26 AM
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Saturday, August 16, 2008
this below is the perfect perfect song! nothing sums up better. i ve been listening to it on loop. and when i turn on jocelyn's blog its like her blog's song. but damn copycat leh.
If I don't say this now
I will surely break
As I'm leaving
the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency
but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to
separate
Oh, oh,
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my Baby
I'll look after you
And I'll look after you
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
After You
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Oh, oh
Be my baby
Ohhhhh
Oh, oh
Be my baby
I'll look after you
You are so beautiful to me (repeat)
but its not copycat. maybe its called signs.
sometimes there is a reason why we have to share the same microscope.
there is a reason why we like the same songs. have the same camera type
to quote nobuta wo produce which is the jap serial i m watching now
this haunted house we are in.. in life there are many moments we hold the hands of those we love or care for
these moments are beautiful, dark, subtle, when they happen they happen
to have someone's hands to hold is always a miracle.
so when u walk into the light, when u return to daily life, dun forget that miracle. dun let go of that hand.
hmm
life is abt decisions. life last nine seconds and everything becomes the past. the now lasts nine seconds on average. and then it becomes memory.
yeah we oni live for nine seconds. and in that nine seconds we have to make a decision. for other nine seconds.
and then once we are n it. we are in it. decisions are forever.
time is almost up
I failed. 11:06 AM
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Friday, August 15, 2008
i havent been so erm musically active in a while haha. i think this song is damn funny. always tickles
departed ttsh. if i learned one thing, i guess its to live life with lesser expectations maybe.
sigh the harder u tighten ur grip i guess oni more things will slip out of ur reach.
i m having trouble making a decision. argh. but nvm there is still time, have until monday.
i m starting to believe in the butterfly effect.
once upon a time i told myself, i would find time to learn the lyrics of all the songs i like. haha so unrealistic once upon a time i cannot imagine not burning calories in more than 3 days, but now i m just lazy. igh so i m showing tails of signs of a type b personality afterall.
i almost believe in fate now that many things are beyond ur ctrl. nice tutprs? nice examiners? whther u pass or fail? there is oni so much that you can ctrl. sometimes u can be so kiasu. go clerk and read the file of two wars of patients b4 ur test.. but in the end u still piss the examiner off. cos u assumed sth. yeah jaundice and pancreatic tail cancer dun go.
perhaps if life wanted u to do well, it would. perhaps the gods show favouritism, on some they show more some they shun. perhaps somtimes they find someone new they forget their old favourites. or they take a break on even their favourties. or sometimes they are fighting for the same favourite and things just backfires.
but cheers. 48 yr quest for a medal and here we are.:) i feel so high now.
even tho well technically yeah.
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma I fell in love again
It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend
And I know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And I'm afraid I might give in
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'
I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is
We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun
(ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
It's been awhile since we talked last and
I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son
And I know you heard the last song about
the girls that didn't last long
But I promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)
I love it when she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then I don't know
what love is (ba ba da da)
It's gonna be a long drive home but I
know as soon as I arrive home
And I open the door take off my coat
and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back into my arms once more for sure
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man I swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And I would still cherish every moment
And when I start to build my future
she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love
or whatever you call it but
Everywhere I go I keep her picture
in my wallet like here
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)
I failed. 10:03 PM
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Thursday, August 14, 2008
You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you can call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are
Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging
And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses
Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes
Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.
faith. belief. believe
nick and his best
nick has no more moves. never had
nick can only hope. for the best
nick wants you, wants the world to know
that maybe if they look hard enough, he is not a bad person.
nick's chess pieces are on a shrouded field.
nick cant seem to give you high yield
nick is sorry to be nick
if step by step.
nth worth treasuring ever came easily.
I failed. 9:37 AM
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